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Once upon a time somebody, who was the kind of guy I dremt about entered my life. Untill.......

I screwed up as much as he did. I acted as if though I knew what love was but to be honest I didnt. He was the first guy who wasn't related to me that I went out with. It felt like a dream but not reality. I moved out of my home, thankfully, due to his love for me, spared me a place instead of running on the streets and gave me all the love I needed. I feared I would lose him everyday, which screwed me up daily. I still feel for him, so afraid to love him though. i listened to what people said while I was with him, that he was cheating on me, so many that they made it sound real.Sumwhere in my heart lies a love that never died. I started fucken up thinking rebellion to what he did to me, though rebellion just screws up things more.

I asked for acceptance though everytime I had a chance I blewed it up. not cause I wanted to but becasue I would hear people wordings in my head. Everytime we met ,sex was the only thing that came out of it, all I ever wanted to hear was that he loved me. Though I made a promise that I would always be there for him and love him That promise will never die.Wherever u r know that u'll still be that ptince I loved and the second guy will be just someone who understands me. I love u bran still. In my heart and sould. It was never lust.

Recalling back on my childhood it hepls to find that it helped be the person today. My childhood was a very unpleasent one and so where my early teenage days. Can never remember of a really wonderful thing that happened except the time I knew I was born. Grow up, struggling and suffering withought a father, who then suddenly appeared out of the blues thinking he knows me more then anybody does, Till this day and age a stranger sometimes he feels. Bullied/Abused physically and mentally I can say my life was like a traumatic soap opera. I am not writing this to gain guilt, but for you to know why I act in such a way for every reason. I suffered from an attidude problem from the age of 10-15. I then fell in love with my own first cousin which I can say I shattered him into pieces and yet still stood by me, always tried to be there for me. All I did was kick him and walk away.Recovered when someone entered my life.

He was a prince, but now he had to travel very far. As much as I know he may hate me, if he ever reads this I wish to know that I don't. Can't say I love him, cause that would be telling a lie, but at that certain time I did. Sadly it remained a scar on my heart & mind.

Love always ment alot to me as much as how the human mind works. I always tried to act stupid with others so I just gain and drain there knowledge little by little. Though now i've learnt that theres no point cause what I thought of things where already enough. Shamely I never had out spoken them.

Now I fell in love with a person I was with as much as I know it may sound sick and disgusting to others, cause it was to me as well. I found love and light through my cousin. He got me out of the shadows once again when I had just fallen recently and allowed me to breath some air. I was almost confiscating myself with pain and torture.

Anybody who knows of me here, can easily be immature and spread it to the whole universe, cause this has been done before. Though if ure mature enough and at least have the least thought to let other live and be free then the greatest gift would be to say nothing at all, to anyone familiar.

Thank you for sparing the time to read and understand.